The Balcony
by Feefella
Summary: .:From Frostbite:. Dimitri's POV... Dimitri could have Tasha, and Rose could have Mason. But when the time comes, can either one really let go?


**A/N: Annnnd here is the last one for a few days... I lied about doing a scene before this one... hee! It will actually be the next one I do... when I have time (Don't hate me! I only get to write when my 3 month old niece is sleeping cuz I watch her during the day. I work at night and have given up all attempts at a life due to my need to write.).**

**Meh, not much else to say. **

**OH WAIT, I remember now! Don't hate Tasha guys! She is Dimitri's Mason... or was I the only one who caught on to that? They were both given people to try to help them move on... That's pretty much the only reason Tasha seemed to be in the story...!**

**Enjoy! And feedback is bomb!**

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I couldn't stop staring at Rose as she silently followed Lissa around the crowded room. It wasn't something I was proud of, but I wasn't going to lie about it anymore. After everything I had been through up until now, I was determined to find an answer one way or another.

I found that underlying surge of animal attraction rearing its head up as Rose moved around the room. I felt a little awkward admiring the stunning young woman in front of me when she was wearing the dress that Tasha had given her.

Tasha. I was so torn between what I thought I wanted and what I needed. I could have a life with her, a family. With Rose it was stares, and whispers wherever we would go. It would have been an easy choice for any other man in my position.

When Rose distributed most of her weight to her right hip as she listened to what Lissa was saying to the crowd, I found myself sucked back into the memories I had been repressing the entire trip. As I stood transfixed by the way every curve was accentuated by the tight material of that dress, I found myself back in my room at the school with Rose, and another dress that had almost been my undoing. I had seen the curves underneath the cloth, had touched them. I had touched her, and gotten as close as I ever could to actually knowing _love_ with Rosemarie Hathaway.

I could feel eyes on me and turned to see Janine Hathaway giving me an odd look. That's when I noticed my hands were shaking. Shaking from the memory of being with the woman that I truly loved beyond all else. And now… her mother was staring at me. I fought to steady my hands and slowly scanned the room until I was sure she had looked away.

I returned my gaze to Rose and felt the same flip of my stomach that I always happened when I looked at her. I didn't feel that flip when I was around Tasha, but she made me feel loved, and that would be enough, right? I could learn to love her like I did Rose. When she kissed me it had been warm and loving, but it missed that spark that I experienced with Rose each time we had kissed. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life comparing the two, so I told Tasha I needed time to think about everything.

She had been so understanding that it made the whole situation much harder on me. I wasn't the type of person to string someone along, but I didn't want to close my eyes and see Rose every time I was with Tasha. It just wasn't fair to her. I spent so long pushing Rose away that it didn't surprise me that both Ashford and Ivashkov were after her. She was close to Ashford now and I needed to know how close that was. Maybe her moving on would help me to do so as well.

I began to walk around the perimeter of the room when Rose finally broke apart from the group that was starting to argue rather loudly. I watched as she reached for a hors d'oeuvre that was being offered to her. She was reaching for pancreas when Ivashkov said something into her hair. Then I felt that angry beast inside rear its horned head. I didn't like him being that close to her hair. Or any part of her for that matter.

She instantly jumped back from the platter with a disgusted expression on her face, and the Moroi drug addict replaced the waitress standing in front of her. I slowly came to stand at a post much closer to the two people, behind Rose so she wouldn't feel like I was eavesdropping which, unfortunately, I was.

I caught the tail end of something about rich people sucking which Ivashkov ignored and asked, "What are you doing here, little dhampir? Are you following me around?"

"Of course not," she scoffed. "Especially not after all the trouble you've gotten us into." _Wasn't that the truth._ I quickly scanned the crowd and noticed Tasha standing in the corner, drink in hand. She was looking in my direction and as soon as we made eye contact she looked away.

I moved across the room toward her. As I maneuvered between royals and servers I felt myself grow despondent at the thought of getting further away from Rose.

"Tasha," I said as I reached her.

"Dimka," she said with a smile that showed nothing but kindness. I was an asshole for not just saying yes to her.

"Enjoying yourself?" I tried to keep my attention on her while fighting the urge to turn around and watch Rose.

"Only about as much as I enjoy a root canal." She still wore that same kind smile, and I found myself laughing. She had a way of putting me at ease when no one else could. That meant something, right?

"I think there's a debate over there," I said with a head nod toward where Lissa stood, "that you might want to be in on."

She laughed. "I heard it earlier. Besides I have found myself unable to take my eyes off of Rose. Have you seen her?"

I only nodded.

"She looks amazing. I don't want to brag but can I pick a dress or what?" She was actually very fond of Rose, her stubborn tendencies reminding Tasha of herself. Whenever she mentioned Rose I felt myself instantly go on edge. Like, somehow she would find out about the two of us and our history.

"You do indeed know how to pick a dress," I said. Hopefully not as stiffly as it sounded to me.

"I'm getting 'the look'. I better go make my rounds." Tasha walked towards a large group of Moroi royals, an indifferent smile plastered on her face.

With a breath of relief, I made my way, inconspicuously, back over to where Rose and Ivashkov stood. I was in earshot when I heard Adrian Ivashkov say "If you say so" in a tone that made me want to kill him.

"I _do_ say so…" Rose's voice trailed off in thought. She seemed to take on an understanding of what this guy was saying, whatever he was saying. "You can't mean…"

His attitude changed eager like a small child at Christmas. "Mean what?"

She looked at him for a long moment, and I found myself cursing the universe for me walking away earlier and missing a large part of this conversation. "Nothing," she said and as she took a drink of the champagne in her hand, she seemed to focus on a spot on the floor. Then she smiled slightly.

"Why are you smiling?" Ivashkov asked.

"Because Lissa's over there, working that crowd." Rose sounded every bit as proud as a mother.

"No surprise there. She's one of those people who can charm anyone she wants if she tries hard enough. Even people who hate her." This guy was skating on thin ice and I was starting to feel like maybe I should step in.

But Rose could hold her own and glared at the Moroi in front of her. "I feel that way when I talk to you." _Point for Hathaway_.

"But you don't hate me," he said, smugly, swigging down the last of his glass of champagne. "Not really."

"I don't like you either." _Point two._

"So you keep saying," he said taking a step closer, causing me to silently take a step closer. "But I can live with that."

Before I could break up whatever this shameless womanizer thought was going on, a rather loud "Rose!" sounded somewhere to my right.

All three of us turned to see Janine Hathaway stomping toward the pair of them.

---

I decided to wait until I saw Janine reenter the party before I went in search of Rose.

The hallway just outside was empty, save for a few Moroi royals who where wandering around looking for some place "quieter". Almost like this was a high school prom. I knew Rose would have wanted to retreat after undoubtedly being embarrassed by her mother, so I headed toward the back of the lodge. As far away from the evening's events as possible.

I was just about to double back due to the fact that the hall ended, when I noticed a door slightly ajar. Curiosity peeked, I opened the door and followed the stairs up to a small rooftop deck… and Rose.

She turned to see who had joined her and seemed surprised that it was me. Was she hoping for Ashford? Or Ivashkov? I didn't really care as I shrugged off my jacket and draped it over her shoulders, and then sat down beside her on the ventilation system. I said nothing more than, "You must be freezing."

"Suns out," she said, but made no effort to hand my jacket back to me.

I tipped my face toward the brilliant rays, amazed at how much I missed the brightness and the openness of the world in the daylight. "It is. But we're still on a mountain in the middle of winter." There was no reply and we sat there in silence.

I had so much I wanted to say to her. I wanted to tell her that she was the only person in my life that saw past the wall, to the person underneath. The person that still fought with demons, and still fought to keep control. I wanted to tell her that I loved her in a way no man should ever love a girl so much younger than him. That when I was around her I somehow felt complete.

"My life is a disaster," she said after what seemed like forever.

"It's not a disaster." The words came out automatically.

"Did you follow me from the party?" she asked not looking at me.

"Yes." No point in lying.

"I didn't even know you were there." She studied me for a second, and I bit back the urge to tell her it was my job not to be seen. "So you saw the illustrious Janine cause a commotion by dragging me out." She was embarrassed, and deservedly so.

She spent the next few minutes retelling the conversation with her mother in the hall.

"She's just worried about you," I said trying to be neutral.

"She overreacted."

"Sometimes mother's are overprotective."

She looked at me, slightly surprised. "Yeah, but this is _my_ mother. And she didn't seem that protective, really. I think she was more worried I'd embarrass her or something. And all the becoming-a-mother-too-young stuff was stupid. I'm not going to do anything like that."

I smiled inwardly. Rose could be so literal in her thoughts sometimes that it amused me. "Maybe she wasn't talking about you."

A long span of silence, then her jaw dropped open. She seemed to spend a long time mulling the idea in her head that her mother may have been admitting she was wrong. It was a new concept for her that was for sure. I silently sat there, taking in the beauty of the snow covered mountain while Rose discovered her mother for the first time.

"We aren't fighting right now." she said suddenly.

I loved trying to keep up with her completely random way of thinking. I cast a sidelong look and asked, "Do you want to fight?"

"No. I hate fighting with you. Verbally, I mean. I don't mind in the gym."

I fought a smile and the tiny voice in my head telling me to grab her and hold her close. "I don't like fighting with you either."

We sat there, just enjoying each others' company when she said, "You should take it."

I flinched, knowing what she was talking about. "What?"

"Tasha's offer. You should take her up on it. It's a really great chance." She seemed sure of what she was saying. I felt my heart sink low in my chest.

"I never expected to hear you say anything like that." My voice was tight, and it was coming dangerously close to catching in my throat. "Especially after-"

"What a bitch I've been? Yeah." She snuggled into my jacket some more, taking time to form the words in her head. "Well. Like I said, I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want us to hate each other. And… well…" She closed her eyes tightly, than opened them again. "No matter how I feel about _us_… I want you to be happy."

I couldn't say anything. My heart was full and breaking at the same time. She was throwing in the towel _because_ she cared for me. She was a truly mature individual. She could do what I had been too chicken to do myself. I pulled her close to me, wrapping my arm around her, needing this closeness. "Roza." It was all I could say as she rested her head on my chest.

The moment was over far too soon as she stood up and handed back my coat. I saw the distress in her eyes, and was slightly worried.

"Where are you going?"

"To break someone's heart," she said and stood there for a second longer staring at me, as if memorizing me before she disappeared from my life forever. Then slowly, she went inside.

I stared after her for a long time, knowing that I was dying inside. She was gone, and I was too. As the words left her mouth, I knew she could let me go.

But I knew I could never let her go, not totally. And I couldn't hurt another woman by entering into something I wasn't truly happy with. I couldn't do that to Tasha.

I knew what I had to do.


End file.
